mariana99

mariana99 @ 2009-04-20T16:51:00

2009-04-20T21:56:15Z

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4".
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[x ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I had braces.
[x ] I wear glasses. (sometimes)
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[x ] I have freckles.

FAMILY
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.
[ x] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

EMBARASSMENT
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[x] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[x] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship. - when i was like 13 though
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x ] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I *have* anorexic or bulimic *tendencies* or have EDNOS*tendencies*.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying.

mariana99 @ 2009-04-19T17:05:00

2009-04-19T22:08:55Z

I havent commented in a while, I dont think.
I didnt lose anything over spring break, but I didnt gain anything soooo not too bad, I guess,
I ran today, for the first time exercising in 6 days, haha I felt out of shape, but tomarrow, life begins again, XD and everything will feel right again.
Stay strong girls and you're all so great I miss you all every time I dont sign in once in a while!! :D

mariana99 @ 2009-04-04T18:30:00

2009-04-04T23:36:09Z

This was my post reply to a Yahoo! Ask question..

Question:
Do you think the mass-publication of conditions such as depression, ADHD, Anorexia, etc especially to kids is making more kids/people depressed, more kids hyperactive, and more people anorexic and making more people cut?
I mean, seriously, think about it. If no one ever heard of anorexia or cutting, no one would starve themselves or ritually cut and then use it as a weapon against their family and society.
One or two people did this decades ago, then the stupid pinheads in academia made their career out of it, then there were mass-broadcast made-for-TV movies about it, and now it's plastered all over billboards and written into childrens books. I think now, it's a rite of passage to cut and starve yourself and be ADHD, and if you are neither of these things, you're considered a freak

My Answer:
I am the package psycho... tied with a bow
From early early school years teachers and school counselors have been telling my parents I may have problems with attentions deficit disorders, I stiiillll feel like I stuggle with these problems related to this illness. Obviously I never ever previously heard of it.

As long as I can remember I have been a self-harmer, I never ever understood this, I never even realized it to be an issue or the frequency or nature of my self harm. when I was in sixth grade, my best friends sister told me she was a cutter and I dumbly looked in to her face and didnt understand a thing she was saying, after she explained it, I couldnt understand what was wrong with that, after all it was an every day part of my life.

one summer in early middle school, I developed very disordered eating (along with depression, as its often a symptom of the malnutrition caused by an ED), again, I didnt realize there was a problem, I didnt realize how it was actually taking over me. That fall when I went back to class we talked about eating disorders in health class. I was cluless and stunned, followed by a whirl wind of feeling betrayed by the people who knew me who didnt see the sign and didnt teach me about my behaviors and didnt try to find something deeper within my apparent loss of appetiet, you know why they couldnt help me, because they DIDNT know either.

So if you ask me, No I dont think its harming people, today I can honestly say my friends call me out on my behaviors, they call me out and they can support my recovery. I have never been better, and I feel comfortable saying that with out the mass publications, and tv specials, I would be lost and hopeless. Not only does it educate people on existing problems, its educates cluless sufferers on recovery.

I feel like I understand my self and I believe in my heart one day I will be recovered also, that the poeple close to me understand me more than ever, I could have never reached that level of understanding with out the mass education of these disorders.

Tired,

2009-03-04T04:47:27Z

Tired of being lonely and alone, my best friend is bulemic, but its not the same, I need support from ana friends becuase its really not the same thing, so Im here to reach out to girls like me, I can't do it alone.